Cinemimi[Monday,17,2011]With every year another batch of Hollywood movie goodness is delivered fresh to a cinema near you, and although quality control is generally tight, the odd stale, malformed and mouldy produce can slip through the net. The noughties have seen the release of some groundbreaking cinema and unforgettable classics such as James Cameron’s Avatar and Christopher Nolan’s Inception, but what were the worst films of the last decade?:
2000:
Nutty Professor 2: The Klumps
A prime example of an unnecessary sequel. At a time when Eddie Murphy’s career was questionable at best, films like The Nutty Professor 2 confirmed that things weren’t looking good for the once acclaimed comedian. Although the first film may not have been a masterpiece, it was certainly original and genuinely funny at times. The Klumps, however, begs desperately for a cheap laugh by being almost solely dependant on fart jokes. This wasn’t a turning point however, and things for Eddie Murphy unfortunately seemed only to get worse from here.
2001:
Planet of the Apes:
Planet of the Apes was arguably one of the most perfect sci-fi films of all time. Timeless in every respect besides special effects, it combined great acting with an entirely original and unpredictable plot. This inspired the production of a number of forgettable sequels and an equally as forgettable remake by goth-favourite director, Tim Burton. What Tim essentially did with Planet was what Burton does best: dim the lights and crank up the moody to eleven. The film’s fatal flaw, however, is in its attempt to make one of the most fantastically harrowing endings ever even more harrowing, it was completely ruined. For this alone, this ‘re-imagining’ can take proud place as the worst cinematic release of 2001. Yes, even lower than Jurassic Park 3.
2002:
The Scorpion King:
Not exactly a sequel (more a spin-off) The Scorpion King was actually terrible enough to cause nausea. Although The Mummy and The Mummy Returns were half decent (if not more so), The Scorpion King moved away from all the fantasy and magic that made the franchise slightly interesting and focused on a briefly mentioned side-character a pro-wrestler (Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson) played a cameo as. Already a terrible premise for a feature film, the production was a huge flop although it somehow managed to have a sequel commissioned (straight to DVD with a completely different cast however) and saw the start of a semi-healthy acting career for Johnson. It’s films like The Scorpion King that are the reason why people wince at the very idea of a spin-off title. And so they should.
2003:
Hulk:
At the time Ang Lee’s take on The Incredible Hulk was released, people were incredibly sceptical about comic book movies. Unlike today, there had been no particularly stand-out adaptations and unfortunately for fans, Hulk was just another to chuck on the pile with a sigh. Despite having adequate acting talent behind the major roles, with Eric Bana as Bruce Banner and Jennifer Connelly as Betty Ross, a dreadful narrative and overly indulgent directing dragged this down with the rest. Although it has to be appreciated that Lee attempted to give the film as much of a comic book feel as possible, it’s a shame he didn’t notice that what he was doing didn’t work. At all. This added to the fact that the plot veered so far from the comic (and even included a pack of ridiculous ‘Hulk dogs’) is enough to make any fan-boy/girl angry. And you wouldn’t like them when they’re angry…
2004:
Garfield:
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There are times in Hollywood where adaptations are so bizarre the term ‘scraping the barrel’ comes to mind. Garfield is most definitely one such example. The idea of a feature film based on a 1970’s comic strip/1980’s cartoon series aimed at a generation of children who had most likely never heard of the franchise had almost zero appeal besides starring A-Lister Bill Murray as the cat in question. But as Mr Murray said whilst playing his dying self in the recent Zombieland:
Abigail Breslin: So do you have any regrets?
Bill Murray: Garfield, maybe.
2005:
Green Street:
There’s going to be quite a few people who disagree with this, but Green Street is any other football hooligan film and for that, it’s pretty terrible. It’s possibly the hooligan flick with the highest budget, possibly with the best cast, but it’s nothing that hadn’t been done before. And it’s got Elijah Wood in it. Elijah Wood is rarely a positive thing to say the very least and him and his big blue eyes don’t exactly make the most intimidating of hooligans. This is just a film about lager louts chanting football songs and indulging in disgustingly unnecessary violence which, if it really happens to this extent, makes you lose a whole lot of faith in humanity. Watching a group of aggravated chimpanzees in a zoo have at each other would honestly be the intellectual equivalent. For a hooligan film, this may certainly not be the worst ever produced, but it’s most definitely the worst of the 2005 crop.
2006:
X-Men: The Last Stand:
In all honesty, X-Men 3 may not actually be the film which scarred 2006 most deeply, especially considering Miami Vice, Scary Movie 4 and the fall of M. Night Shyamalan (aka Lady in the Water) also came out that year. But X3 will be considered the worst for what it could have been, as it had the potential to be something far greater than it was. At a time when the X-Men franchise had two arguably decent films behind it and an epic comic book series that stretched as far back as the early sixties, it’s astounding how wrong the final instalment went. There are so many amazing plot lines and legendary sagas to be told, but the filmmakers instead chose to take the fan-favourite Dark-Phoenix saga and do unthinkable things to it. Making Professor Xavier disintegrate amongst other dreadful, not to mention completely made up, ideas made what hit cinema screens almost unwatchable.
So what is to be learnt from the third X-Men outing? Don’t fix a plot if it’s not broken, or you could end up being considered the worst release of the year (if only out of sheer disappointment).
2007:
SAW IV:
The original SAW film was one of the most genuinely terrifying cinematic experiences of the last decade. Then SAW II was released and although it was clear the franchise was beginning to lean towards a more mainstream appeal, it maintained most of its originality and was still an adequate production. It was with SAW III that things started to get a bit farfetched and SAW VI saw the whole thing fall swiftly into a nose-dive it would seemingly never pull up from. A shame really, but it’s something anyone could have learnt from the Police Academy series, be their content completely unrelated or not. It became far too confusing who was the bad guy, whether the bad guy was dead or alive and twists began to feel far too forced. They came, they SAW, they should have quit while they were ahead.
2008:
Journey to the Centre of the Earth:
Brendan Fraser. You may remember him from such mediocre movies as The Mummy and Blast from the Past (or perhaps such abominations as George of the Jungle). It seems that over the past decade or so any film associated with Fraser equals a film not worth watching and Journey to the Centre of the Earth is no exception. One of the earlier 3D films to be released after digital projection became widespread amongst cinemas, it’s clear that this is pretty much entirely a gimmick, with attention paid purely to how many shots can involve things popping out of the screen as opposed to a decent plot and any form of character development. This was one to see if you fancied checking out the latest ‘revolution’ in cinema but otherwise isn’t a journey worth taking.
2009:
Orphan:
(WARNING SPOILERS)
One word: Utterly and totally ridiculous. This is a film about a grown woman with the unfortunate affliction of forever looking like a twelve year old who tricks families into adopting her and ultimately kills them all if the father rejects her sexual offers. Nothing more needs to be said. Orphan is absolutely dreadful and obviously incredibly controversial, some might say offensively. Worth a look only for the ‘laugh because it’s incredible this was ever made’ factor.
2010:
Street Dance:
Another complete gimmick of a movie with no value outside of a 3D cinema auditorium and very little even when in one. Street Dance was a British attempt at the Step Up type dance movies that had done incredibly well both in the States and around the world. Unfortunately producers didn’t realise a cast of which the majority can’t act and are completely devoid of any emotion or sense of personality will never, ever produce a successful film. They may be incredibly talented dancers and some of the 3D shots were undeniably impressive, but unfortunately the quality of a film depends on the narrative, and Street Dance’s highly predictable, almost shockingly generic plot was in no way saved by those who played it out. It had a decent soundtrack though… But that’s not the point. Unfortunately for the British film industry, the American competition dances our attempt into the dust.